Men’s biggest kept secret

Best thing in the world is when you’re in love and the guy and he loves you back, right?
Now there is only one wee little problem, it is never that certain if he’s in to you or not.
How many times do we think we see some signs he does or he doesn’t but in the end we were absolutely wrong? Too many times. It’s about time men become clear about the fact if they are in love or if they are not. Of course there are some differences, because we have the shy-guy, the “I don’t have.. eh, show my emotions”-guy, the player (He probably will say he likes you, but he doesn’t) and the jealous bastard (he plays hard-to-get, makes you suffer but when you talk to other men he goes nuts, seriously if this is your guy just get the hell out).

So what do you do if you have a problem-guy? I say stop guessing, start asking! You can bring this in a friendly, neutral way. So that doesn’t mean coming over desperate or angry! You just want to know what’s up. Don’t threaten him with “I wanna know where this is going because then I can decide if I’m going to leave you or not.” and never, I repeat NEVER, say “Honey we need to talk.” this will get him on the wrong idea immediatly.
Just ask him when you’re at home (not during football or some serie he likes to watch), when you’re out for dinner (not on a romantic date) or whenever where there is time, you’re alone and nothing can distract him (Yes, I know this only is already a challenging quest). Then you just say “Honey, we know each other for a while now, but I still can’t quite figure out what your intentions are with me. I don’t want to pressure you in some sort of way, I really like you but I need to know if you feel the same way about me.”
So never say I love you or anything in that way, just say I like you. It’ll be easier for him to say he feels the same way. Well from his reaction you can proceed in the same way. Make a joke, about you or the situation. Never bring your parents or your friends up. They have nothing to do with this particular matter.
Last tip: make sure you look good but not overdressed. Just pretty and cute, that’s all it takes!

If you want to know something else, send me a message and I’ll help you out

I’ve been cursed

It’s been over 10 months now since I last had a steady boyfriend. Of course there have been some guys, but that didn’t turn out into something real. Because that’s what I’m looking for and for some reason I’m not able to find it. I don’t even come close. And when there is a guy who has the right potential, there always goes something wrong.

Most common things are, I meet a guy everything is great and then suddenly he becomes obsessed with me. A zillion text messages a day, “OMG Jesse I love you so much!” ( after, like, three days when we first met). He telling he loves you is great but he has to really feel that way and within such short notice that’s just impossible, right?
Then, something all girls have experienced, you’re out with some friends when you meet him, it’s very nice, he likes you and asks your number and then he doesn’t call or anything! Why I ask you, WHY, does he ask my phone number then? Don’t ask it if you’re not planning on using it! I don’t care! But this is just a waste of my time!
And then there are the complicated situations, ex boyfriends of my friends sister, a guy which a friend of mine likes, well, you get the idea…

So yeah maybe I’m a little picky, but I feel rather sad lately I can’t even find a guy to go out on a first date with or something! The love gods are mad at me for treating the nice guys bad and the bad guys way to good. Does anybody have an idea to change this?!

The head ache from down under

We all know it’s there, some of us love it and others despise it: giving head.
It’s such an awkward thing to do and yet for a lot of men it’s better then actual sex, if it’s done properly. But with all the side issues we also have to deal with, how do you know what to do? Of course I could ask, how do you know if you’re doing it right but on the effect you get from your man you should be able to figure whether you’re doing a good ‘job’ or a lousy one.

Personally, it’s definitely not my favorite thing to do between the sheets. It’s hard to breath, the whole gag-reflection thing, possible passing hair and the, most of the time not so tasty, fluids. With all this in consideration, you should be able to do this in your own way, so you have time to think and get a little fresh air so now and then. But unfortunately, when it gets good, men can’t restrain themselves to give a “helping hand”. You know, the hand on the back of your head, almost forcing you to put it in deeper, faster or to keep your head still so they can ‘move’ their penises. That’s when things get ugly, when you feel like throwing up or just like dying. Seriously, if guys want us to go down on them, they should only help in goods ways, not like this!

So of course, this is one version of the story, the other version is way more positive. Just watch a porn movie, the girls there pretend (or not) to love, love, LOVE it! It’s like the penis is a third little person that should be cherished and loved. Overloaded with kissing, licking and sucking. For some reason it’s like the whole thing is easy… Gagging? Nowhere near to be found. So am I doing it wrong? Or should you be born with some kind of special talent?

When you ask the guys what there opinion is on giving head it’s mutual: it’s fucking awesome! I also asked for the do’s and don’ts while being down there.
The number one do, the must is being enthusiastic while doing it. Loving his penis, loving the job. That’s a huge turn on for men (I don’t know why, it’s not like I get more aroused when he is loving my pussy). Second one, and very familiar is no teeth. The reason is obvious, it hurts. And the third and fourth, which are not obliged: Swallowing and “Deep throat”. These two are big bonuses for men, it gives some kind of power, you allowing him to shove his penis in all the way down your throat or being OK with swallowing his load.
Of course for a good blow job these last two aren’t really necessary. Just have a steady rhytm and play a bit with your tongue should work. But definitely DON’T leave your enthusiasm at home! Moan and talk a little dirty, else you’ll be down there a long, looong time and well, although you’re like super excited you definitely don’t want that!

There is one little extra you can add in (if you dare), tea-bagging. You put his balls in your mouth like a tea bag in a cup and then you play with your tongue a little bit. No biting!! This is also a heavenly experience for men (so I’ve heard), of course you can also lick an suck a little bit on his balls without putting them all the way in.

OK, so I filled you in on some blowing facts. Not an high level subject, but it doesn’t make it less important. Good sex is very important for a good relationship (no matter what everybody else says, it does! Read my previous article about cheating, that what comes from bad sex). So for now, let your man enjoy (and you too, of course) and don’t do anything I won’t do ;).

Cheating: What’s in a game?

Main Entry: mo·nog·a·my
Pronunciation: -mE
Function: noun
Etymology: French monogamie, from Late Latin monogamia, from Greek, from monogamos monogamous, from mon- + gamos marriage, from gamein to marry
1 archaic : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime
2 : the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
3 : the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time
- mo·nog·a·mous /m&-’nä-g&-m&s/ also mono·gam·ic /“mä-n&-’ga-mik/ adjective
- mo·nog·a·mous·ly adverb

So now that we all understand the true meaning of te word (some people tend to take this word in a other, more free, way) I can start my story.

For some people it is very easy and for others it is the hardest thing in the world: staying true to the person they love. When I put it like this, it sounds so simple, you love somebody, you want to be with this person and you definitely don’t want that person getting hurt, so why commit adultery? There are a lot of different reasons, in a lot of different levels.

First, let me let you in on some little cheating-facts.
In the age of 16 til 25 it turned out 48% of the women cheated once or more and 35% of the men (this includes all the relationships they have had in those 9 years). When married and being older the roles change and 20 to 25% of the men have cheated once or more times on their wives, while only 10 to 15% of the women have cheated on their husbands.
Only 3% of the men actually leave their wives for their mistresses, the number of women leaving their men is a lot higher: about 20%. This clearly shows that men only cheat for lust and women mostly cheat because they really fell for someone else.

So why do men cheat? And why do we always assume only men cheat? Are we, women, just better at hiding our adultery or are men just plain stupid when it comes to this? In this matter there are so many differences between men and women, it’s unbelievable. Men cheat mostly for sexual reasons: They want a more active sex life (and the lady at home doesn’t live up to his standards), there is an oppurtunity for him to have sex with someone else and he takes it (how could he refuse!), the curiosity of having sex with someone other then the own wife, sometimes some other woman really falls in love with him and he does it to feel special and needed. And the favorite from all the celebrities: He is addicted to sex and he just can’t restrain himself not to have sex with anything that has a hole (yeah, Michael Douglas, sure thing). So men’s reasons are mostly (or should I say ‘all’) sex-related. For women it’s a whole other story they cheat because they feel lonely and want to feel commitment and intimacy, they have a great desire for attention from other men, to experience if she is still a woman and can attract men, her husband is always working so she is bored or lonely.

So now the most interesting question: what is worse? Men only think about sex, they don’t care about the woman (whoever she is), they don’t have any feelings (well except in their weeners) while women are seeking for love, intimacy and romance. It’s totally based on feelings. Men love their own wife very much, but ‘need’ the sex with others, but does a woman cheating really still love her husband? Isn’t cheating with the heart a lot worse than cheating with the little thing down there? When men commit adultery it’s most of the time just once, while women have long term affaires. Men almost never leave their wife, women fall in love with other men and do leave their husband.

After some thinking I came to the most simple conclusion: cheating is always bad, it hurts the ones you love. Not only your boy/girlfriend or wife/husband but also your family, friends and, who knows, your kids. It can be forgiven in some situations, but the trust is never fully restored. The relationship is broken, you can fix it with some glue but you will always see the cracks.

Lust beats love?

I know I talk about this subject a lot, but I am still perplexed over the fact that so many people waste sex. Yes, they are wasting sex. They’re having sex without having any affection for the person they are doing it with. In the past you’d have sex after marriage, or at least after a long time of being in a relationship (OK, unless for the prostitutes and sluts in the bars). Now-a-days everybody has sex all the time, everywhere, with everyone. There is no time to get to know each-other, let alone the time needed to find a person you could fall in love with. And I know it takes a very, very long time. I’m still searching and no, while searching I am not having sex with men who just happen to come by. When I have sex it has to mean something. Ok, ok, I admit I have tried to have sex with a random (but very VERY cute) guy, but as soon as he took his shirt of I was like “Ehmm, this is all very nice but we stay above the belt.” It’s just not meant for me to have meaningless sex, I’m not lust, I am love. And as messed up as my life is I need to believe that that kind of real love exists, because if that ceases the world be one big shallow place, the world will keep moving faster and faster, we will fill our needs with some casual sex and that’s it. We will only care about money, sex and a little family. And then I will be sure I will never find happiness. When real love happens it’s like a sign, a sign the world is still a good place, where the sky can be blue and it won’t rain until it’s necessary. ‘Cause sometimes a little rain is needed, it will make us appreciate the sun and not taking it for granted.

So what is so great about lust? About meeting some random person in a club, ending up in bed together, having the most awkward moments the next morning and then say good-bye like nothing ever happened? The sex is better? You know that’s not true, sex with feeling is way better than sex without. Sex without feelings, is only having sex with your genitals. Sex with feelings is sex with your body, your mind and your soul. It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality and it’s time everybody starts realising that. Luckily I’m here to spread the word ;).

Women are too to blame!

In the society I live in there is a group of men, rich men, rich men who think they own the world. They think they are the best and that they can get away with everything. They have girlfriends, but cheat on them even if they are only 30 feet away. And not one time, no several times, on different occasions. So now you think “Bastard! It’s always men!”, while actually you should think “Stupid women! They always make the same mistakes!”. No, I don’t approve men cheating, but I also disagree on women letting men cheat. Giving them opportunities. These women know, our society isn’t that big, so bad news travels fast. Soon enough everyone is talking about it. But the women ignore the buzzing. They stay with those awful men and only God knows why. So now for the women who they cheat with. The only thing they think about is making him fall in love with them as they are with him. They actually think they can conquer him and he will fall so madly in love he will stop cheating, just for her. Dumb thinking, he won’t change, for no one.
Unfortunately, these women don’t even notice. If your watching from the side-line it’s like these women are saying “Oh you want to use me?”, “Oh you just want to fuck me and then go on pretending I don’t exist?”, “I don’t mind, maybe after this you’ll see how amazing I am and stay with me forever.” Yeah, right. Seriously, these men were normal, normal gentle men. But women not setting any boundaries, allowing everything he does, poison the minds. And they turn into these horrible, insensitive, egoistic bastards.

It’s like the Beauty and the Beast, only the other way around. They aren’t ugly from the outside, but ugly from the inside and real love from a girl won’t change them. Changing him up will be more like a girl taking his heart, smashing it on the ground, running over it a couple of times with a Hummer and then leave it there to rot away. Yeah, that’ll be some wake-up call. Suddenly he’ll realise not everything comes natural. Some things take pains, take time and still are worth every single bit. Too bad it’ll take a while for them to notice. By then a great deal of women will be long gone and who knows, maybe he’ll has settle instead of being with the one he was meant for.

Of course, this doesn’t count for all men and all women. There are also men who have it in their nature not to be monogamous and there are some good rational women who still be cheated on, that’s just bad luck. No, what I’ve been talking about is a particular group in this world and I’m certain some will recognize themselves or their friends in it.

So a last request for all girls and women out there, don’t spoil our men! Threat them with respect when they deserve it, if they don’t drop them until they hit rock bottom. That’ll teach them a lesson!

A little update

Sorry for the interruption folks, I had a pretty busy week (or was it two?). I will write a few stories and post them write away to get on schedule again. I got a really nice Comment from Auckland, New Zealand and I want to thank you so much! I started this blog to enjoy people and maybe get them to thinking about love and sex. So I’m happy there are already a few persons who do. Of course, I’m hoping for a bigger audience in the future. Give the site adress to your friends and family, to support me! Thanks again, enjoy!

Real, undeniable love

A feeling so deep it touches your soul, sets your heart on fire and puts your mind at ease. You feel like you’re drifting away on a breeze of enchantment. Everything around you is moving so fast, while you’re just standing still. Standing still with the one you want more than anything in this world. All the things you used to care about, your ideals, your principals, it all doesn’t matter anymore. Because the only thing you want is to stand still with the one person who can take your breath away, the one person who can make you sigh for more.

Dancing on the streets, making your own music in your minds. One thought, one tune in two minds, melting together as one. Your body so tense, feeling every touch, feeling every drop of rain that falls down. And than the most incredible feeling, which makes your knees weak. The touch of his lips, kissing yours. When he opens his mouth and his tongue searches for yours. His arms wrapped around your body, craving to feel him inside you.

A little while ago you didn’t even know who he was, you haven’t heard his name and he didn’t troubled your mind. Now everything is blurry, you can’t concentrate, you are so unfocused. The only time you can see clear is when he’s around, when he makes you laugh, when he makes you do things you have never done before. He shows you a world like you never seen before. The world is a beautiful place, it’s almost magical.

Sitting under a big tree watching the sun go down, holding hands and knowing everything you need is right here. Then you look to your left, look into his eyes and see he feels exactly the same way. No need to be more, to go places, to save the world, no. You’re just as happy as you can be right where you are at that moment.

This is how it should be.

Waiting for the rain to fall in the desert?

This will be familiar to all of us. We’ve all been here once, twice or maybe a hell lot more. The time when you fall in love with a man and you wait for him, stick with him and never fall out of love. Even when he doesn’t call, cheats, dumps you and wants you back later or says he doesn’t want a relationship with you (for whatever stupid reason). Most of the time we’re making up excuses for him; he’s probably just working late, he is afraid of his feelings, he got lost in the desert, his cell phone got stolen by a rabbit etcetera, etcetera.

Are these women strong (because they know what they want and they’re not leaving before they have it), hopeful (maybe someday he’ll change, sees the real you and falls head over heels) or just desperate?

And also I can’t help it wonder; If you don’t wait for a man at all and leave with the slightest sign of him not being so into you, can you make a mistake and miss your fate?

How do we know if we should get on the train, even if you don’t know where it’s going, or wait for another one?

 

One of my closest friends is dating a guy for 2 years now. They started a relationship, he cheated and then he wanted to be free. A few months later we went out and we run into him with this other girl. He sees my friend and regrets that he is no longer with her. So they’re starting things again, but he doesn’t want a relationship. They have sex and they hang out, but it’s not boyfriend/girlfriend. This situation is rather uncomfortable for her, so she pushes him a little to make a decision. He doesn’t want to decide really and she wants to get out of the whole thing and at the moment she’s going, he goes all romantic and she stays. Couple of weeks later he breaks the whole thing of, because he doesn’t have the same “in love” feeling like he had in the beginning. Her heart breaks, again. They keep in touch as friends, but in a short while they’re having sex again. No relationship still and the story repeat itself.  He breaks up with her two times more, in the same way. Still she stays, waiting for more. Really, every-time he goes romantic and in love I’m thinking she did it, she finally did it, waiting is useful. Unfortunately, he breaks up with her a few weeks later and I realise it’s no good.

 

Another story is a friend of mine being totally, ridiculously head over heels with this guy. They go out together, nothing serious and she starts telling everybody they know they have a relationship. So he is like stuck, he keeps it up for a while, but few weeks later he dumps her. Though she keeps calling him, sending him messages, showing up everywhere he is. Just being cute and being there. Six months (!) later, he falls in love with her and now they are still together. Waiting really paid off. Everybody thought she was stupid but now she’s the one laughing.

 

Though, this is something you have to be able to. You have to be able to put your negative feelings off, go blind and no matter what just keep going. I’m not capable of doing such a thing, I’m gone before he can even think about not calling me back. When I say it like that, it sounds pretty weak. I can’t turn my negative feelings off and because I am so afraid of getting hurt I just stay at great distance. Thinking no man can fool me, no one will keep me on a string. Thinking back on the times I liked a guy, but didn’t go for it because I was scared, made me realise I maybe missed out on some great things. Some guys only need a little bit of time or I’m just going very fast. I don’t take time, when I should. When anybody should. Take your time, when you plant a flower, you don’t expect it to be an enormous flower the next day. No, you have to water it and take care of it. On the other hand, when it doesn’t grow at all, take your losses and accept the fact it is just not going to work out. Waiting too long is useless and disappointing. Go plant another flower, maybe it’s not the same flower but if it grows, it’ll be prettier than the one who didn’t grow at all.

I screwed up

Yes I did, big time. I thought I knew all about men. What they were thinking, their conspiracy theory, what makes them go. I was wrong about at least one and I made the worst decision ever. Like you’re in a car and you slip and you stir the wrong way and you crash. I thought I knew the road, knew where it was heading and when I stirred, I thought I stirred the right way until I hit that tree. That’s where it hit me.

So cliche, I wish I could go back in time and do all of this differently. I wish I could go back to the day when we were together and I didn’t get the hint. I somehow oversaw what was really there. I was into you like a train, I didn’t stop to catch the signs. If I’m even right about that, because I’m still confused. Where did it went wrong? And how can I make it right? Because I have to, I can’t go on with the present and the future with this in the past. I know you probably don’t even want to see me again, but I wish I could explain, nothing. There is no explanation, just that I screwed up and need another chance. I’m not saying there should be no damage, there is, but nothing we can’t fix. So I’m asking you, consider.

These are my feelings, I need to write them down to understand them better. Normally I would keep them to myself, but I need you to know. I need you to know I have this shield and I’m always busy defending. Defending myself, I don’t want to get hurt. Things that used to be fun became scary. And in doubt I tend to do some reckless things for my defence. Though, behind my shield there is a real me, someone who really thinks things through, someone who really cares. I want to tell you how sorry I am, I didn’t tell you that yet. Not when I spoke to you, I couldn’t, I didn’t dare. Too much feelings would be involved, but when I was alone there was this rush of emotions and made me realise saying sorry is the start, not of making it right, but making it better.

Right know I’m mostly scared, scared if you would find this completely stupid or you would think I’m some kind of a fake. I’m not, not now, there is no reason for me to be fake. All I have is something real and I hope you will appreciate it.